Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What is the purpose of this?

Good question.

The purpose of what? My life?, my gardens?, my skills?This blog? What?

Every now and again one comes across some reading or a quote that just hits them like a ton of bricks. Those 6 words hit me like a ton of bricks this morning. I do what I do because and the purpose part came later.

1. I chose to do it
2. (this came later)
3. Financial reasons
4. learning

I have not always been a stay at home mom, I chose to stay at home after the birth of our 3rd child. I reasoned every way possible as to why I "should" stay employed, but when the tic met the toc, truth be told I think my take home pay was somewhere around .75 cents an hour after taxes, gas, clothing and daycare expenses. What is the exact purpose of me working out of the home only to a. expense it all out and b. pay someone else to raise my children.

I do believe from the age of 22 to somewhere in my thirties I was on a gerbil wheel, just doing because it needed to be done. Truth be told here only in the last couple of years I have woke up and lived "mindfully" each and every day. Going from 2 incomes to 1 income has a way of doing that, and few other factors.

Let me take a moment here to say...."I am grateful that I have this opportunity and grateful for my husband and his unwaivering love and support and the job my husband has that provides us with shelter, food and basic needs for daily living and then some."

Note: when I say "support" it does not mean financial, making the choice to stay at home was difficult and a few of my demons where sitting on my shoulder mocking me and the ring leader was that demon/voice inside our heads that measures our self worth. There are still days where I would like to punch that butt head in the face.

Would I be worth anything at all if I choose this path?

I dunno? but there is only way to find out......jump in with both feet and hope like hell you can swim hard enough to make it to shore with your swim suit still on! I knew one thing for the end of the day my sweat and tears were worth more than 6 bucks!!


1 comment:

taycia said...

and worth a HELL of a lot more than .75 take home. you can't even buy a coffee for that anymore.